Life, faith, pain, divorce, single parenting, love, worship, struggle, surrendering, joy and the love of a Mama.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Running.... (11/17/2011)
Wedding Day (10/23/2011)
There's a stirring in the throne room
And all creation holds it's breath
Waiting now to see the bride groom
Wondering how the bride will dress
And she wears white
And she knows that she's undeserving
She bears the shame of history
With this worn and weary maiden
Is not the bride that he sees
And she wears white, head to toe
But only he could make it so
[CHORUS:]
When someone dries your tears
When someone wins your heart
And says your beautiful
When you don't know you are
And all you've longed to see
Is written on his face
When love has come and finally set you free
On that wedding day
On that wedding day
[VERSE 2:]
She has danced in golden castles
And she has crawled through beggar's dust
But today she stands before him
And she wears his righteousness
And she will be who he adores
And this is what he made her for
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE:]
When the hand that bears the only scars
And heaven touch her face
And the last tears she'll ever cry
Are finally wiped away
And the clouds roll back as he takes her hand
And walks her through the gates
Forever we will reign
The Bridge (10/19/2011)
Beauty From Pain + Courage (10/15/2011)
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Here I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Tryin' to hold to what I can't see (to what I can't see)
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn
After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Courage
Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood
Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings
Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
It's not how many times you've been
knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway
You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Perfect Peace (9/22/11)
Here I am broken down
Hands lifted up
I've never felt so cold
I need You to warm my soul
Only You can bring me home
Here I am damaged goods
Too tired to cry
There's nothing I need more
Than to repair this heart I've torn
I need You to bring me home
In Your sight I am beautiful
In Your blood I come clean
In Your hands all things are possible
What was fear has been released
It has turned to perfect peace
Hands lifted up
I've never felt so cold
I need You to warm my soul
Only You can bring me home
Here I am damaged goods
Too tired to cry
There's nothing I need more
Than to repair this heart I've torn
I need You to bring me home
In Your sight I am beautiful
In Your blood I come clean
In Your hands all things are possible
What was fear has been released
It has turned to perfect peace
Lord, undo me (9/15/11)
I don’t really worship these day
I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs
Or prayers or actions
or with anything
I am full of all the right moves
I am full of all the right words
I am full of all the right religion
But it is all just illusion
I am really
Lonely
Lost
Calloused
Jaded
Cynical
Too religious
Too realistic
and well really just to lazy
to worship you anymore
I have lost my first love
I have lost the joy of your presence
But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory
Papa God I need to see you again
Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory
To fall down at your feet
To come face to face with your
Perfection,
Radiance,
Goodness,
Holiness,
Awesomeness
I want to stand before you and see you for who you are
and me for who I am
I want to be undone
I want to know me for who I really am
I want to see the depths of my heart
And know that you are the only way
You are the only truth
You are the only life
I want to see me and understand
What it really must have taken for you to
Love me
Care for me
See me
Speak to me
Want me
Communicate with me
Die for me
Die for me
Die for me
Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory
And my sin
Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
Lord, undo my heart
break down these walls that I love so much
No, wait don’t,
I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this
don’t
But I can’t live this way anymore
I can’t stand here in this half-life
this going through the motions life
this not really alive life
Father, I need you so come and in and do what you must
Cut out the tumor on my heart
Break down the walls that I love
Lord let me come undone
Undo my heart
let me worship you again
-author unknown
From September 11th, 2001
(In Memory of 10 years)
I look up from the computer and Erik Kohl says
"An airplane just hit the world trade center"
Me: "what kind of airplane? Where at?"
Erik: " In NYC, one of the main centers. They think it was terrorists"
I shove it off and go on typing my E-mail's, not really thinking it was anything huge.
After typing my E-mail's I head to the auditorium for our daily chapel. They've set aside the whole chapel to pray for the situation. It started to become real.
Mr. Daughters: "Three plans have hit the world trade centers and the pentagon. We need to pray for our country, we need to pray for the victims."
The pray begins, people start to cry. Many people pray
"Come Lord Jesus, please come to take us home."
"God, why does this happen? We ask you why. Thank you God, that you are in control, and you KNOW WHY"
"Pray for our president...He needs your help, dear God."
"Lord, protect our land. Thank you for giving us a free country."
As we prayed tears began to fall. People started to pray for family and friends who might be in that area. People started to wonder. People asked God "why?" Everyone knew God knew why, but nobody knew why.
As we were praying a plan landed in PA that was as people assume, about ready to hit camp david or the capital. God allowed less people to die by it landing in PA. Thank you Jesus. God knows everything.
Oct. 7th, 2001 America hit Afghanastanl We hit them to stop terrorism, not to cause death, we hit them to stop this chaos. But who knows, maybe hitting them, is just starting one big war, that could last for years. Years? How many years? Nobody knows, only God knows, only God knows what's in store...Thank you Jesus for protecting us.
God is sovereign, don't forget that. Don't be scared, just pray, don't ask why, just pray.
Beautiful Things (8/13/11)
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make me new, You are making me new
Homesick - Mercy Me (7/11/11)
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Beautiful To Me (6/23/11)
That I change if I wrote the story
How pain can heal and death bring life
How defeat can bring such glory
You didn't hold back one breath
You even gave Your last one
So I live
It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful
I don't deserve Your suffering
I should be the one who's bleeding
But Your broken body gives
This broken spirit what it's needing
You reach through time with Your sacrifice
With wounded hands
Holding this fragile life
It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful to me
This seek, this longing
This heart that I've been searching
This moment while I'm breaking
You're here
Your plan, Your promise
A pain that has a purpose
I let you in to use it
And just why Your hands built heaven's arms
You're making me so beautiful
It's beautiful to me
Every mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how You make everything
So beautiful to me
So perfect and complete
You warm this wounded heart
Someday I will see
It's beautiful to me
It's beautiful to me
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful to me
Beautiful to me
For the Moments I feel Faint (2/24/11)
Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong
I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
[Chorus]
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands
"For the Moments I feel Faint" - Reliant K
Not Forgotten (2/19/11)
When you think your dream is dying
He has not forgotten you
When your body aches from tryin'
He has not forgotten you
When you worry for tomorrow
Even though the sky is blue
See the sun is shining
He has not forgotten you
When July feels like December
He has not forgotten you
When it's painful to remember
He has not forgotten you
When it seems you can not win
And there is not much left to lose
He has got a plan
And He has not forgotten you
And hope will spring eternal
In the home of those who know
That loving eyes will follow
Every where we go
And even in the darkness
His promises are true
Keep this in your heart
He has not forgotten you.
He is faithful
He is present
He is listening
He is love
If your tired flesh has squandered
What your spirit would have saved
And your aimless feet have wandered
Far from all you truly crave
Turn and run toward your Father
Do not wait another day
See His arms are open
And He is calling out your name
And hope will spring eternal
In the home of those who know
That loving eyes will follow
Every where we go
And even in the darkness
His promises are true
Keep this in your heart
He has not forgotten you
A Prayer of Contentment (2/7/11)
Heavenly Father, if I should suffer need, and go unclothed, and be in poverty, make my heart prize Thy love, know it, be constrained by it, though I be denied all blessings. It is Thy mercy to afflict and try me with wants, for by these trials I see my sins, and desire severance from them. Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations, if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil, and be delivered from it with gratitude to Thee, acknowledging this as the highest testimony of Thy love.
When thy Son, Jesus, came into my soul instead of sin He became more dear to me than sin had formerly been; His kindly rule replaced sin's tyranny. Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued I must not only labour to overcome it, but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it, and He must become to me more than vile lust had been; that His sweetness, power, life may be there. Thus I must seek a grace from Him contrary to sin, but must not claim it apart from Himself.
When I am afraid of evils to come, comfort me by showing me that in myself I am a dying, condemned wretch, but in Christ I am reconciled and live; that in myself I find insufficiency and no rest, but in Christ there is satisfaction and peace; that in myself I am feeble and unable to do good, but in Christ I have ability to do all things. Though now I have His graces in part, I shall shortly have them perfectly in that state where Thou wilt show Thyself fully reconciled, and alone sufficient, efficient, loving me completely, with sin abolished. O Lord, hasten that day.
Trade these ashes in for beauty (12/3/10)
Lord, I feel as though I'm at the lowest of low points in my life. I want to trade these ashes, these awful, evil, wicked, unfair, hurtful ashes in for beauty. I have trusted Your unfailing love and obeyed Your Word, but still....still You fail me. I take that back, You did not fail me, it just didn't go my way and so it feels as though I've been betrayed. When I think about Your mercy and grace I think of it healing relationships, not destroying them. I think of it protecting my children from hurts, not allowing them to go through the most painful thing in the world.
I want to lay down these burdens, but I can't. I'm holding on to them, loosely, but I still have hold. I can't seem to let go. It's as if You and I are standing before one another and You're begging me to lay them down and I'm argueing with you like a teenager. Lord, when I read Your Word it seems so clear, but then the results of my decisions blur that clarity and leave me confused and hurt.
Well Lord, here I am. I can't really say take it all, because I know in all honesty I'm still holding. But I can say that I want to obey You and I want to give You all the glory and honor and praise and if that means you take it all away, then dear God so be it.....