Ah 2am and I am still up (COFFEE TOO MUCH COFFEE) Why?! why!? I am crazy. Well, that and i can't relax and sleep when I am wrestling with something. So, gotta turn me some music on and pray and get my heart right.
This song was of encouragement to me tonight. It reminded me of my inability to do it on my own and my human-natureness (i just made that up) to stumble flat on my face. But, i think sometimes flat on our face is where we need to be. I struggle with pride (don't we all? ) but it is usually quietly and God, well He knows me mighty well and I think He knows when I need to eat a piece of humble pie. Tonight was that for me, a reminder that I alone can not do it. I must always be on my knees (well not literally but maybe) before Him begging Him for mercy, healing, wisdom and just everything I need to walk this journey on my 'own' without a 'helpmate'.
Fall Apart
By Josh Wilson:
Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise
Now it all seems upside down
'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
Blessed are the ones who understand
We've got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You
And it all seems upside down
'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
I don't know how long this will last
I'm praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me
My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart
I want to always remember that place of brokenness where God has had me so often the last couple of years, because well, in that I will remember that helplessness and total need for my Savior and Lord. I believe there is a balance (of remembering our weak points but moving forward to be strong), but for me, remembering this causes me to have humility and not the pride that perhaps has welded up in me the past few weeks.
That pie was nasty, but really good for me (kinda like de-caff coffee).
