Saturday, September 24, 2011

Perfect Peace (9/22/11)

Here I am broken down
Hands lifted up
I've never felt so cold
I need You to warm my soul
Only You can bring me home

Here I am damaged goods
Too tired to cry
There's nothing I need more
Than to repair this heart I've torn
I need You to bring me home

In Your sight I am beautiful
In Your blood I come clean
In Your hands all things are possible
What was fear has been released
It has turned to perfect peace

Lord, undo me (9/15/11)

I don’t really worship these day

I don’t really stand up to praise you with songs

Or prayers or actions

or with anything

I am full of all the right moves

I am full of all the right words

I am full of all the right religion

But it is all just illusion

I am really

Lonely

Lost

Calloused

Jaded

Cynical

Too religious

Too realistic

and well really just to lazy

to worship you anymore

I have lost my first love

I have lost the joy of your presence

But most of all I have lost the fear of your glory

Papa God I need to see you again

Like Isaiah I want to stand in awe of your glory

To fall down at your feet

To come face to face with your

Perfection,

Radiance,

Goodness,

Holiness,

Awesomeness

I want to stand before you and see you for who you are

and me for who I am

I want to be undone

I want to know me for who I really am

I want to see the depths of my heart

And know that you are the only way

You are the only truth

You are the only life

I want to see me and understand

What it really must have taken for you to

Love me

Care for me

See me

Speak to me

Want me

Communicate with me

Die for me

Die for me

Die for me

Lord, I want to stand in that place where all I can see is your glory

And my sin

Because in that place I can’t help but worship you.

Lord let me come undone

Undo my heart

Lord, undo my heart

break down these walls that I love so much

No, wait don’t,

I’m scared I don’t know if I can handle this

don’t

But I can’t live this way anymore

I can’t stand here in this half-life

this going through the motions life

this not really alive life

Father, I need you so come and in and do what you must

Cut out the tumor on my heart

Break down the walls that I love

Lord let me come undone

Undo my heart

let me worship you again

-author unknown

From September 11th, 2001

(In Memory of 10 years)


I look up from the computer and Erik Kohl says

"An airplane just hit the world trade center"

Me: "what kind of airplane? Where at?"

Erik: " In NYC, one of the main centers. They think it was terrorists"

I shove it off and go on typing my E-mail's, not really thinking it was anything huge.

After typing my E-mail's I head to the auditorium for our daily chapel. They've set aside the whole chapel to pray for the situation. It started to become real.

Mr. Daughters: "Three plans have hit the world trade centers and the pentagon. We need to pray for our country, we need to pray for the victims."

The pray begins, people start to cry. Many people pray

"Come Lord Jesus, please come to take us home."

"God, why does this happen? We ask you why. Thank you God, that you are in control, and you KNOW WHY"

"Pray for our president...He needs your help, dear God."

"Lord, protect our land. Thank you for giving us a free country."

As we prayed tears began to fall. People started to pray for family and friends who might be in that area. People started to wonder. People asked God "why?" Everyone knew God knew why, but nobody knew why.

As we were praying a plan landed in PA that was as people assume, about ready to hit camp david or the capital. God allowed less people to die by it landing in PA. Thank you Jesus. God knows everything.

Oct. 7th, 2001 America hit Afghanastanl We hit them to stop terrorism, not to cause death, we hit them to stop this chaos. But who knows, maybe hitting them, is just starting one big war, that could last for years. Years? How many years? Nobody knows, only God knows, only God knows what's in store...Thank you Jesus for protecting us.

God is sovereign, don't forget that. Don't be scared, just pray, don't ask why, just pray.

Beautiful Things (8/13/11)

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make me new, You are making me new

Homesick - Mercy Me (7/11/11)

(In Memory of Hayvon Dagel)

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Beautiful To Me (6/23/11)

So much I don't understand
That I change if I wrote the story
How pain can heal and death bring life
How defeat can bring such glory
You didn't hold back one breath
You even gave Your last one
So I live

It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful

I don't deserve Your suffering
I should be the one who's bleeding
But Your broken body gives
This broken spirit what it's needing
You reach through time with Your sacrifice
With wounded hands
Holding this fragile life

It's beautiful to me
Your holy mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how you make everything
So beautiful to me
Someday I will see
How You hold this wounded heart
And make it perfect and complete
And it's beautiful to me
Beautiful to me

This seek, this longing
This heart that I've been searching
This moment while I'm breaking
You're here
Your plan, Your promise
A pain that has a purpose
I let you in to use it

And just why Your hands built heaven's arms
You're making me so beautiful

It's beautiful to me
Every mystery
I'm standing here in awe
Of how You make everything
So beautiful to me
So perfect and complete
You warm this wounded heart
Someday I will see
It's beautiful to me
It's beautiful to me
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful to me

Beautiful to me

For the Moments I feel Faint (2/24/11)

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

[Chorus:]
Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

[Chorus]

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

"For the Moments I feel Faint" - Reliant K

Not Forgotten (2/19/11)

When you think your dream is dying

He has not forgotten you

When your body aches from tryin'

He has not forgotten you

When you worry for tomorrow

Even though the sky is blue

See the sun is shining

He has not forgotten you

When July feels like December

He has not forgotten you

When it's painful to remember

He has not forgotten you

When it seems you can not win

And there is not much left to lose

He has got a plan

And He has not forgotten you

And hope will spring eternal

In the home of those who know

That loving eyes will follow

Every where we go

And even in the darkness

His promises are true

Keep this in your heart

He has not forgotten you.

He is faithful

He is present

He is listening

He is love

If your tired flesh has squandered

What your spirit would have saved

And your aimless feet have wandered

Far from all you truly crave

Turn and run toward your Father

Do not wait another day

See His arms are open

And He is calling out your name

And hope will spring eternal

In the home of those who know

That loving eyes will follow

Every where we go

And even in the darkness

His promises are true

Keep this in your heart

He has not forgotten you

A Prayer of Contentment (2/7/11)

Heavenly Father, if I should suffer need, and go unclothed, and be in poverty, make my heart prize Thy love, know it, be constrained by it, though I be denied all blessings. It is Thy mercy to afflict and try me with wants, for by these trials I see my sins, and desire severance from them. Let me willingly accept misery, sorrows, temptations, if I can thereby feel sin as the greatest evil, and be delivered from it with gratitude to Thee, acknowledging this as the highest testimony of Thy love.

When thy Son, Jesus, came into my soul instead of sin He became more dear to me than sin had formerly been; His kindly rule replaced sin's tyranny. Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued I must not only labour to overcome it, but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it, and He must become to me more than vile lust had been; that His sweetness, power, life may be there. Thus I must seek a grace from Him contrary to sin, but must not claim it apart from Himself.

When I am afraid of evils to come, comfort me by showing me that in myself I am a dying, condemned wretch, but in Christ I am reconciled and live; that in myself I find insufficiency and no rest, but in Christ there is satisfaction and peace; that in myself I am feeble and unable to do good, but in Christ I have ability to do all things. Though now I have His graces in part, I shall shortly have them perfectly in that state where Thou wilt show Thyself fully reconciled, and alone sufficient, efficient, loving me completely, with sin abolished. O Lord, hasten that day.

Trade these ashes in for beauty (12/3/10)

Lord, I feel as though I'm at the lowest of low points in my life. I want to trade these ashes, these awful, evil, wicked, unfair, hurtful ashes in for beauty. I have trusted Your unfailing love and obeyed Your Word, but still....still You fail me. I take that back, You did not fail me, it just didn't go my way and so it feels as though I've been betrayed. When I think about Your mercy and grace I think of it healing relationships, not destroying them. I think of it protecting my children from hurts, not allowing them to go through the most painful thing in the world.

I want to lay down these burdens, but I can't. I'm holding on to them, loosely, but I still have hold. I can't seem to let go. It's as if You and I are standing before one another and You're begging me to lay them down and I'm argueing with you like a teenager. Lord, when I read Your Word it seems so clear, but then the results of my decisions blur that clarity and leave me confused and hurt.

Well Lord, here I am. I can't really say take it all, because I know in all honesty I'm still holding. But I can say that I want to obey You and I want to give You all the glory and honor and praise and if that means you take it all away, then dear God so be it.....