Lord, I feel as though I'm at the lowest of low points in my life. I want to trade these ashes, these awful, evil, wicked, unfair, hurtful ashes in for beauty. I have trusted Your unfailing love and obeyed Your Word, but still....still You fail me. I take that back, You did not fail me, it just didn't go my way and so it feels as though I've been betrayed. When I think about Your mercy and grace I think of it healing relationships, not destroying them. I think of it protecting my children from hurts, not allowing them to go through the most painful thing in the world.
I want to lay down these burdens, but I can't. I'm holding on to them, loosely, but I still have hold. I can't seem to let go. It's as if You and I are standing before one another and You're begging me to lay them down and I'm argueing with you like a teenager. Lord, when I read Your Word it seems so clear, but then the results of my decisions blur that clarity and leave me confused and hurt.
Well Lord, here I am. I can't really say take it all, because I know in all honesty I'm still holding. But I can say that I want to obey You and I want to give You all the glory and honor and praise and if that means you take it all away, then dear God so be it.....
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